warning: hardly ever updated

wow. its been almost a year since i last blogged. but reading the posts really make me happy, reminding myself of all that happened so far. this year, service learning's definately beeen the most eventful thing. its super awesome. firstly cos of all the fun we had. everyday, every moment was totally memorable.

i felt most inspired thorugh this trip mostly spriritually. before i went for the trip i was actually like doubting my faith and asking alot of questions and stuff. and so everyday i prayed to God to help me and to show Himself to me and let me feel His prescence. and sometime before the trip some of my questions were answered, so i partially appeased. like the feeling of not know if God was real or if He reallly died for me and everything was really very tormenting.

then during the trip, on like the second or third day, i was walking alone ( me, the loner.teehee ) to the vball court. then i chatted with j.lim for awhile then i continued walking and for some reason i turned arnd and i was like overwhelmed with this dejavu. it was so strong la seriously i was nearly knocked off my feet. then i was wondering why i felt that way and the next secondi remembered that sometime last yr i dreant that i went to thailand for mission trip! so amazing right? i rmbr v clearly cos like, i was confused why it was that i went to thailand. and the dream was totally hazy and stuff but i remember all-so-clearly that the walls were blue. and the thing is WE painted the walls blue! the dream and reality wasnt very accurate but the main things were there. it was soso divine. and that made me realise that God does have a plan for me. cos i actually put yunann as my first choice. but i ended up in chiangmai! so cool rights?

and also some stuffs happened that made me feel kinda upset and annoyed. but then i realised that i should'nt be like that cos like, jealousy is something that can really overwhelm you and make you into someone mean. and i dont wanna be mean! and i promised myself that i wont gossip anymore.

i also realised how selfish i was. when na offered his biscuits to me, i was like..oh man, he's so sweet. and thinking back, he so willingly offered to share though he had so little, but i don't even share with my siblings.

and kuwtee( khotti) that sweet darling, who so shyly offered her friendship to me. i can never forget her. the first day i saw her she gave me a drawing. the next night we sat together during chapel. the next night we played arnd with the rest of the kids. arm wrestling and catching and stuff. the day after i watched her eat her dinner of rice and veg. only. the nxt day i played with her and nong kook and i think carissa. haha. man oh man. i hope she doesnt forget me.. =/

every afternoon i'd bathe at arnd 6, and so during chapel i'd be all clean and fresh already. there was this particular night i was sitting with kuwtee. then she hadn't bathed yet so she was kinda sticky. and she wanted to lie on me, the clean one. my initial thought was like ' ew! dont lie on me!' then, i realised '' what happened to a heart of compassion and all that stuff? '' so aft tt i didnt care and let her lie and me and i hugged her. but it was then i realised how little love i had actually. how could i expect everyone to be always clean and healthy and every thing right? if i wanted to spread Gods word and stuff, i couldnt think like that! and so, another learning point :)

then, the second night she was performing infront of us. and i looked at her happy face and nervousness and all the feelings i felt too, when performing. and then i thought ' she has HIV. she's so happy now, but she wont live long. why? why did God make her life so? like, her life on earth is so short...'

reflecting on it later, i thought about this email i received. and i rmbred what it said- she's put on earth for a purpose, to help another lost soul. she does not belong to this flock but to His flock. and when it is time for her to be called back, it'll be to where she belongs.

definately, this made an impact on me.

the trip also made me think about life. what is life about? is it just to study, get into good schools, get a good job, get married, retire young and then prepare for death..remembering God just abit along the way? like, no way! after the trip, i'm seriously not so bounded to earthly things anymore. which was smth that was troubling me alot at the start.

returning back, i knew i was different. my perception on life was different. everything was different. but everyone and everything else was still the same. how? what? why?
still, i did feel God speaking to me everyday. He answered my prayer for a friend to help me in my faith- joash! and during the first chapel, the song '' now that You're near, everything is different, everything's so different lord. i know i'm not the same, my life you've changed, i wanna be with You, i wanna be with You' suddenly held so much meaning for me. and there's alot of other stuffs that happened too.. and it's so cool. i'm sure my midset has become more.. earth-oriented. but well.. i'm still blessed by the Spirit and that rocks :)